Negotiation Is War, But Collaboration is the Real Victory

Discover why collaboration is the future of negotiation, and how shifting from competition to cooperation can lead to better, sustainable outcomes.

Negotiation Is War, But Collaboration is the Real Victory

"In business, you don’t get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate."
— Chester L. Karrass

Let's face it: many of us view negotiation as a battlefield. You want to win, and so do they. The goal is to outsmart, outlast, and ultimately outmaneuver the other party. But is this really the best way to approach negotiations, especially in today’s fast-paced, interconnected world?

In the past, negotiation was often seen as a win-lose situation—a battle where the “winner” emerged with all the power, money, or resources, and the “loser” left with scraps. But let’s talk about a radical shift: collaborative negotiations. It’s time to ask, What if the real victory wasn’t in crushing your opponent but in finding a win-win solution for everyone involved?

After 30 years in the corporate trenches, negotiating multi-million-dollar deals across continents, I can tell you—there’s a better way. And it’s not just about securing the best deal for yourself; it’s about creating relationships that thrive and building a professional reputation that lasts.

But before we dive into how to make collaboration your negotiation tactic of choice, let’s break down what we’ve been getting wrong.

The Traditional Approach: Negotiation as War

You’ve likely heard the phrase, “Negotiation is war.” It’s the classic image of two sides fighting for dominance, using every tactic in the book to win. This “win-lose” mentality often leads to:

Short-Term Gains, Long-Term Losses
Sure, you might close a deal that looks great on paper, but if you’re constantly taking the “I win, you lose” approach, you risk creating resentment and distrust. Over time, that can lead to broken relationships, lost opportunities, and an erosion of goodwill.
Creating Adversaries, Not Allies
When you’re fighting for a win in every negotiation, you treat the other party as an adversary, not a partner. This mindset makes it much harder to collaborate down the road and can result in transactional relationships that lack depth or mutual benefit.
Zero-Sum Thinking
Traditional negotiations are often framed as a zero-sum game: if you win, I lose. This is not only a narrow view but also a counterproductive one. If both sides feel like they’re being “taken” in the process, you’re unlikely to end up with a sustainable solution.

The Power of Collaboration in Negotiation

Now, let’s talk about what happens when we make a conscious shift toward collaborative negotiation. Instead of seeing the other side as an enemy, you begin to see them as a partner in a joint effort to find mutually beneficial solutions. Here’s why this approach works:

Sustainability in Relationships
Collaborative negotiation fosters long-term, trusting relationships. When both parties feel valued and respected, they are more likely to work together again in the future. This not only secures the deal at hand but also sets the stage for future opportunities.
Win-Win Results
The goal of a collaborative negotiation is not to get everything you want but to create a solution where everyone gets something of value. It’s not just about the transaction—it’s about creating a relationship where both sides leave the table feeling satisfied, even if they didn’t get everything they hoped for.
Creative Problem Solving
By shifting away from zero-sum thinking, collaborative negotiators are often more creative in finding solutions. They understand that there’s more than one way to meet needs and are open to exploring innovative compromises that benefit everyone. This can lead to unexpected breakthroughs that would never have been possible in a combative negotiation.
Better Long-Term Outcomes
Research shows that collaborative negotiations result in better long-term outcomes for both sides. In fact, a study by Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation found that negotiators who focused on collaboration were more likely to reach sustainable, mutually beneficial agreements compared to those who employed competitive tactics.
Emotional Intelligence at the Core
Collaborative negotiation relies heavily on emotional intelligence (EI). When you focus on mutual respect and understanding, you’re more attuned to the emotional needs of both parties. This emotional awareness can transform a tense negotiation into a productive conversation, where both sides feel heard and respected.

Shifting From Competitive to Collaborative Tactics

Changing from a competitive to a collaborative approach in negotiations requires a shift in mindset and a change in tactics. Here’s how you can start implementing this shift:

Focus on Interests, Not Positions
Instead of focusing on your position (i.e., what you want), focus on understanding the underlying interests of both parties. What do they really need from this negotiation? What are their priorities? By uncovering mutual interests, you can find creative ways to meet everyone’s needs.
Build Trust Early
Collaboration thrives in environments of trust. Be transparent, be authentic, and demonstrate a willingness to listen. The more trust you build, the more likely the other party will be to engage in collaborative problem-solving with you.
Be Willing to Share
Don’t hoard information or try to manipulate the negotiation in your favor. The more openly you share, the more likely the other party will reciprocate. Transparency creates a collaborative atmosphere, making it easier to work together toward a solution.
Frame Negotiation as a Joint Problem-Solving Exercise
Instead of framing negotiation as a contest, approach it as a problem-solving exercise that you and your counterpart are working on together. This shift in approach fosters collaboration and reduces the tension often present in negotiations.
Practice Empathy
Empathy is a cornerstone of collaboration. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, understand their challenges, and adjust your approach accordingly. When you can demonstrate empathy, you’ll create a much more cooperative environment.

The Future of Negotiation: Collaboration Over Competition

The current trend in professional negotiations is clear: collaboration is the future. In an increasingly globalized world where business relationships are often long-term and cross-functional, the old “winner-takes-all” approach simply doesn’t work anymore. Instead, we need to embrace mutual respect, shared goals, and win-win solutions.

The Controversial Truth: Collaboration Requires Vulnerability

Here’s where the rubber meets the road: collaborative negotiation requires vulnerability. It means being open to new ideas, showing trust in the other party, and sometimes sacrificing your own position for the greater good. But this is where the real victory lies—not in winning at all costs but in building relationships that create more value for everyone involved.

Conclusion: The Art of Collaborative Negotiation

Negotiation isn’t a battlefield—it’s an opportunity for collaboration. The goal is not to outwit or outlast the other party but to find solutions that benefit everyone involved. By adopting a collaborative mindset, you can build better relationships, reach more sustainable agreements, and create opportunities for future growth.

So, let me ask you: Have you ever had a negotiation where collaboration worked better than competition? What tactics did you use, and how did it change the outcome? Let’s discuss!

Categories: : Elevate _ Professional